conflagration

I let the spray of cold water from the shower to relax my pounding head.. I sat down and held my head between my knees.. I felt weak.. nothing felt good__the shower flowed on,and there under the showeri poured mugfuls of water down my hair…lukewarm tears flowed down..and even under the shower..i felt their presence,their flow,their warmth…. I closed the tapsand brushed my drenched hair with the wooly towel…. In the crispy,warm clothes and wet hair,I stepped out of the cold bathroom…. I felt giddy and rushed over and bent over the kitchen sink__my stomach churned,but nothing exploded out of my mouth..__the smell of bile that rose from the burps made me dizzy………….

I closed my eyes..wishing to crush my eyeballs____and pressed my temples against the wall… I pressed hard until,beneath my skin,the blood capillaries had burst open…… I clutched my feet,desiring to bang them away___i felt miserable

My veins seemed to be drugged,as I dragged my loathing body __to the bedroom… I pulled aside my bed cover and layon the bare bed,…..yes,I’m depressed………..

And all this afternoon,I’ve done so….

-swasTIKA